Wednesday, August 15, 2012

I feel very fat.

Seriously. I have gained so much weight in the last couple of years. I am damn near 240 pounds, and that is way too high. It makes me feel unattractive.

I KNOW I need to lose the weight, but I struggle. With the dizzy spells and seizures (which I haven't been having lately that I know of) make me scared to exercise by myself, especially outside. Taking a long walk or going for a jog could be dangerous, especially since there are no sidewalks around here. And then I say things like that, and I feel like I'm justifying my lazy behavior or just making excuses, even though I've had "episodes" when I'm alone.

We did buy a pool, and I actually have gotten in a few times in the last week and done some exercises. The problem is that only works when the weather is nice, and I can get over to my moms.

I can't wait to start going to the gym. I hate feeling like this. I hate looking in the mirror and being disgusted with myself. I have NEVER been this large. I HATE it. So much. I have to do something, and now.

No comments:

Post a Comment