Happy New Year!

It's that time again. Time for new beginnings and the opportunity to start new.

My top five happy things about 2012:

1. I finally married my love. Couldn't be happier to start spending the rest of our lives together. ;)

2. My family is healthy. We were able to spend holidays together. I don't know how many more years my grandparents have in them, but I am grateful for every minute I get to spend with them. My greatest personal wish is that they get to meet our children.

Mi y mi abuela, nochebuena.

3. We have enough. While I might not have everything I *want*, we have everything that we *need*. That makes us very lucky and blessed beyond measure.

(Image Credit)

4. We have a wonderful home (that we rent) and I am lucky to have both of my brothers living with us. We get to spend time together that we wouldn't if we lived apart. I am also within close distance to most of my family. I have wonderful pets that give me lots of love.

5. I am felicitously fortunate enough to have a wonderful set of "in-laws". This is especially true of my MIL (or as she would say, "Mother in Heart") who is always a ray of sunshine, and supports us in all we do.

Consult Appointment

Yay, I got an appointment with Seattle Reproductive Medicine in January! Initially it was set for Dec, but there was an issue with insurance and I didn't get added on to the plan. They would have "fixed it", but would have back-dated premiums to the date we got married. Not really worth it. We decided to just reschedule.

Oh man, there is SO MUCH PAPERWORK to fill out! It's super crazy, but I will do anything.

We are thinking about moving to my moms for a couple of months so we can save money for a down payment on a house. Rent isn't cheap!

I'm almost 27 you guys. Crazy.

Deciding to see if ART is needed.

I know we need to do something, but I'm not sure how deep we are going to jump in.

Our insurance covers infertility treatments. They cover 3 cycles in a lifetime. I'm not sure exactly what that means, but I know that if we tried IUI that it would count towards the 3 cycle limit. Looking at the stats, IUI has such a low success rate per try it makes me think that for me personally it isn't the right thing to do. I don't think I can handle that emotionally. Maybe if other things don't work out then we will pay for IUI out of pocket, but I don't know. My latest GYN said that "when you want to have a baby we'll do IVF" but I don't know if that means that the other things are a waste of time. I'm guessing so with my medical history.

Trying to get in for an appointment is hard. I've been calling for over a month, and they returned my call one time but of course I missed it. I am trying to get in to Seattle Reproductive Medicine. Super lucky that they are in network. Same with Overlake Reproductive Health, but for some reason I don't want to go there. I know they have better success rates than SRM, but I don't think I would feel comfortable with the doctors.

I'm a Mrs!

Yep, we finally tied the knot.

We got married on Friday, which was our three year dating anniversary. <3

Wordless Wednesday: Things that make me happy.

Cycling normally & feeling better.

I am feeling oh so much better, so it was time to catch up on housework. 15 loads of laundry is not my idea of a good time, but there were loads and loads of towels and linens to be done. Lamesauce right?

I've still been feeling icky, but not sick anymore. Just dizzy mostly. I did take soy this cycle, so I am having a pretty "normal" cycle. Pretty sure I O'd a couple days ago. Hopefully everything in my body keeps going relatively well.

We took the pup to the vet, and she got her vaccines and we got the bump on her tummy checked out. Turns out it was exactly what I thought it was- an umbilical hernia. It doesn't hurt her. We also made an appointment for kitty, and she is going to hate us. Multiple shots for her, especially since she's an outside kitty now.

Happy pictures of happy pets!

OOH. Forgot to share our new rings. Aren't they pretty?

The stone is aquamarine. :)

Feeling better.

Today was the first day that I felt semi-normal in quite a while. I don't know where I would have been if I didn't have cold medicine to take for the last week. Thank goodness for the dollar store!

I finished my last dose of Soy last night, yay! I did 150 mg for the first 3 days and then 200 mg for the last two days. I didn't really have any side effects, or if I did it was hard to tell because I have been so sick lately.

Our house is getting appraised on Friday. Oh. My. Goodness. We have so much to do. I, of course, have been sick as all get out for the last week, so I haven't been doing house work. The house is a mess. Not super terrible, but not good enough that I want a stranger poking in my closets and all that jazz. This means I have a ton of cleaning to do in the next couple of days. Wish me luck, and health.

In happy news... I got a job! I will be editing books for the publishing company that my friend is with. I am super excited about that. The best part is that I get to work from home, and it's reading you guys. I LOVE reading.

Did I mention that I broke my Kindle? I was devastated! I am getting a new one soon, but that meant that since I was so sick, I had to send K to the library for me to get me something to read. I wasn't about to expose a bunch of people to these germs, that would have been cruel. I was surprised at how well he did (especially since he hates reading).

Haven't been posting much

So obviously I haven't been posting much. I have been feeling like a complete Debbie Downer (and complete garbage) and don't want to drag others down with my pathetic sad cryingness (is that a word? It is now).

SO. I made some delicious cookies today. Home made Oreos. They are amazing, and I absolutely love them. Did I mention I started my Low Glycemic Index diet? Yeah, I did. Feeling ok. Not having cravings. I only had two cookies, and I'm going to keep being a good girl.

I seem to feel a little better, I've been able to do more lately, which is great. I still think the seizures are happening, but if they are they aren't completely wearing me out. I have been more tired lately though, which is a sign that I am having them. I've also needed naps more, which usually happens when I'm having them. Oh well, no big deal. It wouldn't be as bad if it didn't come with the pain. Increase in neurological symptoms has been happening, and I have the extreme nerve pain again. My skin hurts, even my clothes touching me can be excruciating. Thankfully it hasn't gotten really bad.

So that is what is going on with me lately. How are you guys doing?

OH MY GOSH, my new deck is done. I'm so happy about that. TTFN.

Ugh

I've been having a rough couple of days, just not feeling well. I spent all of yesterday in bed because I was feeling under the weather. Hopefully I continue to keep feeling a little better every day. I feel way better today than I did yesterday. Bad days suck. I hate having no energy and feeling generally lethargic.

On a better note, I've made myself a "chore list". I want to do better with keeping the house up. I hate having a dirty house, and I guess we will see how well structuring it so I do a little every day works out.

New Multi-Vitamin (whole food)

I've been taking a multi-vitamin for months (tummy issues make it a requirement as I don't always absorb all the nutrients I need). After doing a little more research, I decided to try and make things a little easier on my body, and make sure that I am getting all of the nutrients that are actually IN the vitamins.

Yesterday I went to a vitamin shop, and got Natures Way Alive! whole food energizer multi-vitamin. The pills are big, but that has never been a problem for me (I was taking 20+ pills a day at one point). Best thing about them? So far, I have had no problem with them irritating my tummy. I took them yesterday on a full stomach, and today on an empty stomach, and both times I felt no ickiness. I'm hopeful that they will make me feel better. I already have a little more energy after taking them (so I won't be taking these ones before bed!).

You can find them on Amazon but I got mine cheaper in the shop.

SI Day 4-5 Journal

Possible symptoms:

Slight headache, seemed to go away with aspirin again.

I've slept really well the last couple of nights. I've been having happy dreams.

Just feeling slightly tired, not too bad.

Both of my ovaries are going craaaazy.

TMI WARNING: Have EWCM and my cervix is high and soft.

You can see my chart HERE

SI Day 2-3 Journal

Possible symptoms:

Slight headache, seemed to go away with aspirin again.

I've slept really well the last couple of nights. Had a bunch of baby related dreams, weird.

Just feeling slightly tired, not too bad.

I have been having twinging in both ovaries (BOTH!) so I am hopeful.

More about how I'm using Soy Isoflavones:

I'm taking 200ish mg (which is high, DON'T go any higher than that!!!). I got mine at Bartell Drug, but they're a PNW company. I know that Walmart carries it online for sure, and you can also get them off of Amazon. I got GMO free ones.

You're supposed to take double what your Clomid dosage would be. So if you would be on 50mg of Clomid, you would take 100mg of Soy Isoflavones. 75, 150. Etc etc. You also take it like you would take Clomid cycle date wise. So for 5 days at the beginning of your cycle. To help manage side effects it's better to take them before bed.

More info:
http://fertility-challenged.blogspot...al-clomid.html

Oh, and mine cost $2.99 for a bottle of 60 pills. You have to take between 2-4 pills a day for 5 days so at the highest dosage that would be 15 days worth, or 3 cycles.

SI Day 1 Journal

Possible symptoms:

Slight headache, seemed to go away well enough with an aspirin.

I slept really well last night (after taking the SI)

Now I am feeling a little fatigued. Nothing too bad, although I may take a nap.

I have a spot of nausea, it isn't horrible though.

My menses seems to be getting quite light, as it usually does at CD 5. Doubt that it has anything to do with the SI.

Dosage: 200mg before bed, CD 4-8

Dear Ovaries

I know we don't talk much. You just chill in there and hang out, twinging sometimes but not doing much.

But PLEASE, please do your job this month. I really would appreciate it. Heck, I'm even giving you some help. Meet Soy Isoflavones. Don't worry, they'll be real nice. You guys can hang out and talk while I'm sleeping.

_____

So I am going to try and jump start some ovulation using the Soy Isoflavones. Doing it cycle date 4-8 this time and see if it works. I really hope so. All the research I've done is really encouraging, with the website I linked to having a 74% success rate the first cycle. That's crazy! I'm excited and a little scared. I guess we'll see how it goes.

Calling a Spade a Spade...

Sometimes when I am reading things about TTC (trying to conceive) there is all sorts of "avoiding using the S word" going on. I'm guessing that people say things like "Hubby and I BD'd twice this cycle" and "we're going to try to have BMS tonight" are a little less skeevy than saying "Hey everyone, we're going to have lots and lots of sex/make love today to try and make a baby!" or any variation thereof.

Still, having the juvenile mind that I have, it makes me giggle every time. Yes, I suppose it's a little TMI either way, and I guess it is much nicer to use cute little acronyms to describe things that most people don't go in to detail about to their closest friends.

On that note, we share SO MUCH with each-other in the TTC community, don't you think? Bodily functions we don't share with very close family/friends we discuss in detail with relative strangers, and it works. It works because we're all gunning for the same thing- a sweet little baby. It's what we want, and we're going to do as much as we can to make it happen.

I have to say that the TTC community is wonderful, and I'm glad that there is so much support out there for women (and men) that are going through fertility issues or difficulty conceiving, regardless of what the reason for that difficulty is.

So frustrating!

Sometimes I hate my body for not working like it is supposed to. Why can't I ovulate like normal? Why can't I get menses like normal? Why does everything have to be so complicated!

I did notice that things got a lot worse symptom-wise after my gallbladder surgery. I know that surgery is super stressful on my body (doesn't help that it was emergency surgery and my liver was going nuts) and so I expected my cycle to be off for a while, but it never really recovered. Before that I never really went more than 3 or 4 months without a cycle, but after... it's been super sporadic. Probably has something to do with the fact that I gained weight and couldn't move much for a month due to medication complications.

It just makes me sad. I want a family. I've always wanted a large family of my own, and it's going to be a struggle to get there. Yes, I have my wonderful honey, and our fur-babies, but I want children.

I was looking at adoption, and it seems like a LOT of work. I know the end result is worth it, but you would think with so many kids that need homes it would be a little easier to make that happen. Yes, I understand that they need to make sure that they're not being placed somewhere that isn't healthy, but it's still sad, and frustrating. I do want to become a foster parent once we have a little more space.

I'm just kind of rambling, needed to get some of these thoughts out of my head. Thanks for "listening". :)

New glasses, finally!

I don't have insurance right now, so I didn't want to have to go in and pay for another eye exam or pay a bajillion dollars for new glasses.

I've heard of this place called Zenni Optical, and I figured I'd give them a shot. They have super cheap glasses so I figured that it would be worth the potential lost money if they were complete crap. Seriously, I can afford $6.95 for a pair of glasses.

So I went on the site, and neato! they have a feature where you can upload a face shot and "try on" the glasses. This rocks because I have a bad habit of thinking something will look good on me and being completely wrong.

I tried to keep it to the more inexpensive pairs. I got two of the same type of frame, and made one in to sunglasses for an additional $5. Not bad for prescription sunglasses! I then looked at the plastic frames for every-day wear (the others I added anti-reflective for night time driving) and found a pair that I loved. Super cute and only $12.95.

I ordered everything on the 8th of August, and it's the 18th and they're here! From what their site says, I was expecting it to take 3 weeks. That's pretty fast for something that's coming from China. Yes, they are made in China. I got over it. Even coming from a completely different country so far away, their shipping is flat rate, at just under $5. So I paid just under $42 for shipping and 3 pairs of glasses.

I was surprised at the quality, and in a GOOD way. I was expecting something pretty flimsy, but they look and feel like glasses I would get from the Optometrist.

I will definitely be ordering from them again when I (most likely by losing these) need more glasses.

Finally, a new cycle.

Took a while of NPC (natural progesterone cream) and upping the dosage of it, but FINALLY I got my period! Sad that that makes me happy, eh?

It also made me excited because this is the first cycle that I get to use my new cloth pads. Oh man, they are so comfy. So much better than disposable pads. We'll see if I'm still saying that when it comes time to launder them, but I don't see it being too difficult.

Cloth pad instructions HERE

Hair, hair everywhere...

It seems like I am always in need of a wax. I have hair everywhere, and it makes me feel so gross. It wasn't that bad a few years ago, but I think the fact that I've gained so much weight greatly contributed to my PCOS symptoms, and made the hair growth worse.

I of course have the hair under my chin, a little on my big toes, and some on my upper lip. Lucky me!

I finally started waxing, and I am glad I did. It makes me feel a little better, and I don't have to do it constantly. Much better than trying to tweeze it. Frankly, there is now way too much hair to make tweezing a viable option.

I feel very fat.

Seriously. I have gained so much weight in the last couple of years. I am damn near 240 pounds, and that is way too high. It makes me feel unattractive.

I KNOW I need to lose the weight, but I struggle. With the dizzy spells and seizures (which I haven't been having lately that I know of) make me scared to exercise by myself, especially outside. Taking a long walk or going for a jog could be dangerous, especially since there are no sidewalks around here. And then I say things like that, and I feel like I'm justifying my lazy behavior or just making excuses, even though I've had "episodes" when I'm alone.

We did buy a pool, and I actually have gotten in a few times in the last week and done some exercises. The problem is that only works when the weather is nice, and I can get over to my moms.

I can't wait to start going to the gym. I hate feeling like this. I hate looking in the mirror and being disgusted with myself. I have NEVER been this large. I HATE it. So much. I have to do something, and now.

Wordless Wednesday- What Infertility looks like, pregnancy test edition.

Blood Sugar

I think I have an issue with letting my blood sugar get too low. I'm just not always hungry, or I get hungry once a day and don't really feel like eating the rest of the day. Or I'll "graze", eat little things here and there.

Maybe I should start keeping track of my blood sugar numbers. I have no idea if I have insulin resistance, but diabetes and hypoglycemia run in my family. No idea how often you should test if you have PCOS, I guess that's more research I need to do.

I've just been reading so many different things lately, I feel like my brain is getting full.

I thought about taking pictures of the areas where I have PCOS symptoms (excess hair, hair loss, acne, Anthracosis Nigricans, etc.)as a sort of "base line"- it's where I am at right now. Something to look back at and compare to. Will it help? I don't know. Maybe. We shall see.

Now if only I could find my camera.

"Are you pregnant?"

No. No, I am not pregnant. I have certain people that when I say I haven't had a period for a while the first thing out of their mouth is "are you pregnant"? Even with me explaining that I am probably going to have to have fertility treatments in order to get pregnant. Even when I explain what PCOS is and what it does to my body. It's quite frustrating.

K is getting there. We had a long talk, and he thinks that if I just lose a little weight I'll get pregnant right away. I've tried explaining to him that it isn't going to work that way. Yeah, it will help. It isn't a magical cure.

We discussed a 6 month plan. In a couple of weeks (he refuses to do it any sooner because I might possibly get a job, which is really pissing me off) I am going to start going to the gym. Then, come January, I am going to go to an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist)and start the process. We have to be married for me to use his insurance (obviously) and that hasn't happened yet, so we will see.

Vlog #1